Perks of Being a Writer That Doesn’t Write.

I think about writing a lot, not a little but a lot. I think about great introductions, about that first triggering and captivating line that’ll keep my readers in my grasp, I think about conclusions, I think about how exactly I want someone to feel when they read through my work.

I think about characters, if I hear a pretty name I write it down right in the center of my heart. I could see a birthmark think of the million ways I could describe it on paper. I think about my character’s actions, how she slapped him, how they kissed them and how these actions affect the rest of my characters. I think about every single strand of hair on them and I think about every piece of fabric they wear, I am proudly my characters’ hairdresser and I am their stylist.

I think about places, I think about where my heroine is born and I think about where my heroine will die and I also think about their last words. I think about surroundings, I think about the grass that itches her thighs and rain that kisses his face. I think about how they feel when they encounter these things.

I think about conversations, I think about conflicts, I think about a lot of conflicts. The sentences, the screams, and the whispers, I think about them all. I think about dialogues, soft spoken apologies, heartfelt speeches and then I think about screams some more.

I think about endings the most, most of my characters end tragically but that’s fine because tragedy is very real. I think about the love that has been lost and the love that sometimes is found. I think about the resolution of these conflicts (only sometimes because some conflicts should remain unresolved), the answer to the riddles, the missing pieces of the story, I think about how to fit them into the last paragraph so my story feels progressive, so that my story seems whole and true.

You see, in place of actually putting anything substantial down on paper I think. I think about these things so much and I (big surprise) end up overthinking them. I slip into a regressive state that keeps me from actually putting down anything on any kind of surface at all and then I forget. I forget my characters and I forget their stories. I have phantom sentences frolicking in my head with no where to go and the truth is it absolutely sucks.

I would actually like to write and create anytime I feel a story brewing in my body, but that’s very hard to do. I’m sorry for taking you through 461 words to let you know that there are absolutely no perks of being a writer who doesn’t write.